Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
