:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
