this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
