Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
