His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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