your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
