i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
