dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
