i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
