Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
