yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
