We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
