New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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