but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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