Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
