whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
