All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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