My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
