I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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