mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
