how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
