Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
