dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
