Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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