did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
