I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
