I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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