Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
