Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
