I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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