Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
