She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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