Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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