Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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