my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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