whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
