walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
