Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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