Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
