if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
