How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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