The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
