Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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