It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I deserve this hangover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
