I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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