it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
