I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
