Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
