I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
