Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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