Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
