We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
