new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
